(Note: This picture has been taken from the internet and is not mine)
When one
thinks of a monk, one think of renunciation, of one having given up worldly
pleasures to pursue a future of contemplation and prayer, to probably embark on
finding the deeper meaning of life itself. We have monks, of both genders,
across the world, and we tend to associate them in certain stereotypes. Wearing
loose fitting clothes, often with their heads shaven, the colours white, brown,
maroon, yellow, orange, etc their preferred colours. Flip-flops, sandals, maybe
even torn sneakers. Generally a person who does not spend time on attire so
much as in the pursuit of peace and happiness and whatever depth of
contemplation they wish to delve in order to find answers to whatever questions
they are seeking an answer to. Sure, there are the other kinds, the shams, the
so-called God-men that embed themselves in sundry street corners, all over the
country, particularly this country of ours.
Why would
someone renounce worldly pleasure and pursuits? I certainly do not have an
answer to that question. But I do know that it is not to “run away” from it
all, though I am sure there are a faire share of that kind too. People who have
“lost” in life, maybe lost a loved one, lost a job, gone into depression, money
might have vanished, there could be so many reasons why someone might want to
run away and become a monk. But these are not the ones I am focussing on.
Sooner or later these people will find that becoming a wandering monk does not
necessarily chase the demons away from the mind. The only way out of trouble is
through it. If one turns one’s back to trouble, it does not go away but
continues to follow creating a shadow that ultimately becomes larger than the
demon itself. No, that is not the person I am talking about.
I am talking
about the actual renunciate, the monk in its purest form, whatever path they
may be following, whichever religion they might come from. These are the
people, in my mind, who are peeling the layers of the onion away, trying to get
to the core of “is” and the why of it. There is a story going around attributed
to the Dalai Lama. Someone asked him, “I want happiness. How do I get it?” His
Holiness turned to him and said, “Let go of the “I” since that represents ego.
Let go of the “want” since that represents desire. Then all you have left is
happiness.”
Well said.
The more I study the world (study might be too strong a word to use in my case)
I find that the reason for our unhappiness many times emanates from these two
basic instincts – ego and desire. If the “I” is deprived, sadness occurs. A
bigger car, a bigger house, the corner office, a well-stocked bar, a cruise on
the high seas, a bigger tv, a summer vacation home, the list is endless. Our
happiness depends so much on possessing material things. And our life is spent
in pursuing the gaining of such wealth. When that does not happen, or happens
to a lesser degree, we feel sad. Often the “I” is not in singular but
encompasses our immediate family, sometimes it extends a little further beyond
to even our extended family. The central core of this remains “I”, “me” and
“mine”. It is this wanting that the “I” in our life keeps craving that ends up
in disappointment and frustration and ultimately sadness or rather lack of
happiness. Many of us might justify our not attaining the desired material
possessions, but then when you hand over an article of long desire, you end up
seeing the naked joy in the face. So, we are really fooling ourselves when we
say that a car is a car is a car. Money does not buy everything, but poverty is
a lot more comfortable sitting in a Merc than in a Maruti.
The second
reason for our sadness is desire. Or expectations. Or attachment. Or clinging.
Or possessiveness. Whatever name one might like to give this emotion, the core
remains the same. Again, it emanates from the “I” itself. When the “I” expects
something from someone and is deprived of it, one ends up being sad. It could
be a “thank you” from the kid or a raise on the job, the agony of unfulfilled expectations
can really devastate a person.
So, the
simple solution is to get rid of the ever demanding “I” and then rid oneself of
desire. If “I” do not “desire” anything, nothing can make me sad. Simple. But
then comes the hard part. It works great in theory but barely a few nanoseconds
in practice. Desire is an integral part of our lives. And it need not be just
for the Lamborghini. Desire for a snack can be as powerful as the desire for a
personal jet. In fact, we in our minds realise that the desire to own a jet
might take some doing, there is a level of uncertainty in that desire. But
wanting an extra helping of dessert is within our grasp and when we are
deprived of it, sadness envelopes our very soul. This kind of deprivation can
and does happen many times through the day, throughout our lives. It might be
easier to deal with the non attainment of the stated long-term desires, but the
non fulfillment of simple desires like a ticket to the movies slowly add up.
Often times we do not realise the role these small incidents play in our lives
and lay them to rest as a part and parcel of living. But we do feel sad that
life has to be so.
Have these
monks really given up all desires and all ego or are they on a conscious path
to achieve this goal? I do not know. I for one, am not at all evolved enough to
go down that path. I do not even have a list of questions whose answers I am
seeking. I am a simple person, trying to lead a simple life, warts and all. And
yes, I do feel sad. Many times every day. And I realise that my sadness
emanates from the non fulfillment of my desires. Let me try and explain. Who
would argue that wearing a helmet while riding a two wheeler on India’s death
traps that go as roads are a good idea. Many do and most among them do so for
fear of the law, not because they fear cracking their skulls open in case of an
accident. Many others show their bravado by refusing to protect themselves.
They believe their skulls are made of steel and nothing ever will happen. Try
telling them otherwise and they will laugh at your face for being a wimp. How
many people actually know how to administer CPR to someone having a heart
attack? Very few unfortunately. If per chance they are faced with a loved one
having a heart attack, they will make sure that they take the person to
hospital soonest and be proud of the part they played. If the victim succumbs,
it was God’s will. Little do they realise that by administering CPR, the life
might have been saved. It has been known to happen! This is a fact of life.
How does this
relate to my sadness? Well, if my life and times revolves around spreading the
knowledge of safety requirement in everyday life that people need to be aware
and I end up banging my head against a brick wall at each corner, I feel
frustrated that people do not realise the importance and then end up feeling
sad when I hear of a life needlessly lost due to lack of immediate medical
intervention in the form or first aid. I am firmly of the opinion that any two
wheeler rider who has met with an accident should be barred from availing of
subsidised medical care at a Government hospital if his injuries were caused
due to not wearing protective headgear. When I see people disregarding these
basic tenets of safety I end up angry, then frustrated, then helpless, then
sad. There is nothing I can do to convince them.
So what can
I do? I can continue to spread the messages I feel are important. I can
continue to do the things that are dear to me. The essential change I need to
make in my attitude is to stop expecting results. As long as I continue to do
what I think is right without fear or favour, without any expectations of the
results, without being discouraged by the reactions and the responses, I should
be able to live at peace with myself. It will be a kind of renunciation from
the pressures of an interactive relationship with the rest of the world.
In comes the
monk in camo!
Before I go
into the reason behind a camo robe, let us look at another human trait. We all
like to belong to something. We feel comfortable in different tribes, groups,
communities. Starting with the family, then we belong to our neighbourhood. We
belong to the city. We feel proud to belong to the country we reside in. We
advertise our belonging to a particular faith or religion or caste. We have
groups at work and at play. We support one sports team or the other and feel
insecure when we find ourselves in a minority in a group that professes a
different allegiance. We find it comforting to belong and we feel empty and
insecure if we find ourselves out on a limb, belonging nowhere. It is as if no
one wants us, we don’t have a strong belief system, outcast from society with
nowhere to go or to call our own.
Step back
and visual you are flying through space looking down at the blue marble we call
Earth. Boundaries do not exist, people do not exist, it is as if the Earth is
flying through space completely oblivious of the machinations on its surface. The
Universe does not care where you belong. It is due to our insecurities that we
wish to belong.
Let us extend
the same analogy to the robes. A saffron robe means you belong to a certain
faith, a white one somewhere else. Maroons mean you profess a different
religion while orange is a deviation from one to another. The colours signify
the path we are on, the community we belong to, the belief systems that are
core to our existence. Cross that colour line and life becomes complicated, we
feel naked, alone and vulnerable.
I understand
why and how different people end up following different faiths, different path,
different ways of life. Some appeal to them more than others. For many of us,
it is not a choice, being hereditary in nature. We are what we are because of
the circumstances of our parentage. Wouldn’t the world be a much nicer place if
we were told to think for ourselves, questions our beliefs, arrive at our own
answers and be trained to question our beliefs as we gain more knowledge. Why
can’t there be a universal truth instead of being straitjacketed in rituals and
forms and norms? That is utopia and I do not see things changing in a hurry.
Back to the
camo. I do not want to belong to any community, or sect, or faith, or belief. I
would much rather embark on a journey of discovery, trying to evolve my own
questions and attempting to find the answers through the information I receives
from around me and from the knowledge I have gained over the years. And I come
from an adventure background. I love to live off-the-grid. I am a trainer in
survival skills, for times when you have to make do when you have nothing you
possess. Making shelter from the elements, rubbing sticks to make a fire,
finding a stream to drink from, looking at the stars to tell directions. Isn’t
that what an ascetic does too? The monk living in a far-off cave, away from the
hustle and bustle of city life is really living off-the-grid. He is a survival
expert. The only difference between that monk in the cave and me would be the
colour of the robes. I am happy not to advertise my affinity to one form of
belief or the other. I would rather stay with my own faith and belief system,
which is living off-the-grid. Hence the camo.
Would I end
up living in a cave as the monk in camo? I doubt it very much. Not in the
immediate term anyway. As I have being doing for some time, I would end up
living off-the-grid for periods of time and then getting back to my friends and
family. Would the duration of such off-grid living extend over time? I really
do not know, may be it will, maybe it will not. The important thing in my
attempt is to give up attachments and desires and grasping and wanting and
living life as it comes. I do not like austerity and punishing the body and
mind to arrive at some deep seated understanding of the human soul. I am a
simple person who wants to look at life from the outside, without having any
expectations from it. What about food? Well, there is enough food on the jungle
floor for sustenance. But shouldn’t a monk become a vegetarian, swearing off
killing other creatures? Well, whether we like it or not, we are a part of the
food chain. As “civilised” humans we are right at the top of the food chain. We
eat more than we need to, we consume what we don’t want to. In a simpler animal
world, you eat to sustain life, not for the pleasure of killing. If you have to
live, something has to die. That is the law of the land, out there in the
jungle. It is about survival, not about the glory of the kill. And as long one
pays respects to the animal who has to die to keep you alive, in my mind, it is
all right. I do not much care for animal rights activists or vegans who profess
their love for animals but end up cursing the larger human community they
belong to. Animal abuse is abhorrent and I dislike it, but when you have to eat
to survive, it is a resource that has been put on the face of this Earth for
all animals. That is what a food chain is all about. When the chain breaks,
chaos reigns.
I hear a lot
of people talking about “running away”. Is it? Frankly I do not have a coherent
answer to that question. Running away from desire is a good thing, isn’t it?
Running away from the chase of material things is a good thing. What about the
people who love you? Your children, for instance? Like I said before, it is not
as if one is leaving home and hearth and heading off into the proverbial
sunset. It is about heading out for a while and then coming back. I can choose
my neighbours, but I cannot change the fact that I belong to a family and my
primary allegiance belongs to them. It is a question of how does one
demonstrate that allegiance. What about the School you run? The School will
continue to run. The only difference will be in the fact that the teachings
will be to people who sincerely desire it and seek it. It will not be a mad
rush to fulfill the numbers. It will certainly not be about training so many
people at this cost. I do not how it will work. Hopefully more and more people
will invite me to conduct these survival Courses in their Schools. Maybe some
people will want to experience my life living as a monk in camo and will leave
some basics behind for the opportunity. Some might pay the cell phone bill.
Others might bring some food along with them. One common first-thought that
comes to mind of many people when they talk of monks is the existence of the
one who is getting on in years – the Old Monk. Who am I to resist when some
kind soul walks in to my camp with a couple of Old Monks. Maybe someone will
leave behind enough cash to pay for the bus ride back home. In the process they
can experience the life of a monk in camo and learn some basic skills that
could come in handy some day. It is not about the money anymore, but about
sharing the little knowledge one has gained over time.
No, it is
not running away but a new perspective on how I want to live my life. If people
still think it is running away, so be it. I am not hear to prove others right
or wrong, I am here to do what I think is right for me. Simple.
Where will I be in my wandering
days? I really don’t know. Here, there and everywhere I guess. A wandering monk
in camo does not require too much. I might impose on friends who have
wilderness camps in the hills. I might end up on a beach and be a beach bum. Maybe
in the middle of some jungle or the other. The decision on where to spend the
next few days or weeks or months will evolve I guess while on the road. The
destination is not important, the journey is. And that is the joy of this
journey.
I like writing and I will continue
to do so. That is one way to stay in touch. I guess these addictive pursuits
like social media are not going away in a hurry. The frequency might become
stretched, but the medium will continue to be a part of my life. At least as
far as I can see for the moment, which is not very far.
Wish me God speed on my journey. I
am the monk in camo. Do I hear someone wanting to make a movie out of it? Well,
seems like a plan. Why not?
