The Monk in Camo

(Note: This picture has been taken from the internet and is not mine)

When one thinks of a monk, one think of renunciation, of one having given up worldly pleasures to pursue a future of contemplation and prayer, to probably embark on finding the deeper meaning of life itself. We have monks, of both genders, across the world, and we tend to associate them in certain stereotypes. Wearing loose fitting clothes, often with their heads shaven, the colours white, brown, maroon, yellow, orange, etc their preferred colours. Flip-flops, sandals, maybe even torn sneakers. Generally a person who does not spend time on attire so much as in the pursuit of peace and happiness and whatever depth of contemplation they wish to delve in order to find answers to whatever questions they are seeking an answer to. Sure, there are the other kinds, the shams, the so-called God-men that embed themselves in sundry street corners, all over the country, particularly this country of ours.

Why would someone renounce worldly pleasure and pursuits? I certainly do not have an answer to that question. But I do know that it is not to “run away” from it all, though I am sure there are a faire share of that kind too. People who have “lost” in life, maybe lost a loved one, lost a job, gone into depression, money might have vanished, there could be so many reasons why someone might want to run away and become a monk. But these are not the ones I am focussing on. Sooner or later these people will find that becoming a wandering monk does not necessarily chase the demons away from the mind. The only way out of trouble is through it. If one turns one’s back to trouble, it does not go away but continues to follow creating a shadow that ultimately becomes larger than the demon itself. No, that is not the person I am talking about.

I am talking about the actual renunciate, the monk in its purest form, whatever path they may be following, whichever religion they might come from. These are the people, in my mind, who are peeling the layers of the onion away, trying to get to the core of “is” and the why of it. There is a story going around attributed to the Dalai Lama. Someone asked him, “I want happiness. How do I get it?” His Holiness turned to him and said, “Let go of the “I” since that represents ego. Let go of the “want” since that represents desire. Then all you have left is happiness.”

Well said. The more I study the world (study might be too strong a word to use in my case) I find that the reason for our unhappiness many times emanates from these two basic instincts – ego and desire. If the “I” is deprived, sadness occurs. A bigger car, a bigger house, the corner office, a well-stocked bar, a cruise on the high seas, a bigger tv, a summer vacation home, the list is endless. Our happiness depends so much on possessing material things. And our life is spent in pursuing the gaining of such wealth. When that does not happen, or happens to a lesser degree, we feel sad. Often the “I” is not in singular but encompasses our immediate family, sometimes it extends a little further beyond to even our extended family. The central core of this remains “I”, “me” and “mine”. It is this wanting that the “I” in our life keeps craving that ends up in disappointment and frustration and ultimately sadness or rather lack of happiness. Many of us might justify our not attaining the desired material possessions, but then when you hand over an article of long desire, you end up seeing the naked joy in the face. So, we are really fooling ourselves when we say that a car is a car is a car. Money does not buy everything, but poverty is a lot more comfortable sitting in a Merc than in a Maruti.

The second reason for our sadness is desire. Or expectations. Or attachment. Or clinging. Or possessiveness. Whatever name one might like to give this emotion, the core remains the same. Again, it emanates from the “I” itself. When the “I” expects something from someone and is deprived of it, one ends up being sad. It could be a “thank you” from the kid or a raise on the job, the agony of unfulfilled expectations can really devastate a person.

So, the simple solution is to get rid of the ever demanding “I” and then rid oneself of desire. If “I” do not “desire” anything, nothing can make me sad. Simple. But then comes the hard part. It works great in theory but barely a few nanoseconds in practice. Desire is an integral part of our lives. And it need not be just for the Lamborghini. Desire for a snack can be as powerful as the desire for a personal jet. In fact, we in our minds realise that the desire to own a jet might take some doing, there is a level of uncertainty in that desire. But wanting an extra helping of dessert is within our grasp and when we are deprived of it, sadness envelopes our very soul. This kind of deprivation can and does happen many times through the day, throughout our lives. It might be easier to deal with the non attainment of the stated long-term desires, but the non fulfillment of simple desires like a ticket to the movies slowly add up. Often times we do not realise the role these small incidents play in our lives and lay them to rest as a part and parcel of living. But we do feel sad that life has to be so.

Have these monks really given up all desires and all ego or are they on a conscious path to achieve this goal? I do not know. I for one, am not at all evolved enough to go down that path. I do not even have a list of questions whose answers I am seeking. I am a simple person, trying to lead a simple life, warts and all. And yes, I do feel sad. Many times every day. And I realise that my sadness emanates from the non fulfillment of my desires. Let me try and explain. Who would argue that wearing a helmet while riding a two wheeler on India’s death traps that go as roads are a good idea. Many do and most among them do so for fear of the law, not because they fear cracking their skulls open in case of an accident. Many others show their bravado by refusing to protect themselves. They believe their skulls are made of steel and nothing ever will happen. Try telling them otherwise and they will laugh at your face for being a wimp. How many people actually know how to administer CPR to someone having a heart attack? Very few unfortunately. If per chance they are faced with a loved one having a heart attack, they will make sure that they take the person to hospital soonest and be proud of the part they played. If the victim succumbs, it was God’s will. Little do they realise that by administering CPR, the life might have been saved. It has been known to happen! This is a fact of life.

How does this relate to my sadness? Well, if my life and times revolves around spreading the knowledge of safety requirement in everyday life that people need to be aware and I end up banging my head against a brick wall at each corner, I feel frustrated that people do not realise the importance and then end up feeling sad when I hear of a life needlessly lost due to lack of immediate medical intervention in the form or first aid. I am firmly of the opinion that any two wheeler rider who has met with an accident should be barred from availing of subsidised medical care at a Government hospital if his injuries were caused due to not wearing protective headgear. When I see people disregarding these basic tenets of safety I end up angry, then frustrated, then helpless, then sad. There is nothing I can do to convince them.

So what can I do? I can continue to spread the messages I feel are important. I can continue to do the things that are dear to me. The essential change I need to make in my attitude is to stop expecting results. As long as I continue to do what I think is right without fear or favour, without any expectations of the results, without being discouraged by the reactions and the responses, I should be able to live at peace with myself. It will be a kind of renunciation from the pressures of an interactive relationship with the rest of the world.

In comes the monk in camo!

Before I go into the reason behind a camo robe, let us look at another human trait. We all like to belong to something. We feel comfortable in different tribes, groups, communities. Starting with the family, then we belong to our neighbourhood. We belong to the city. We feel proud to belong to the country we reside in. We advertise our belonging to a particular faith or religion or caste. We have groups at work and at play. We support one sports team or the other and feel insecure when we find ourselves in a minority in a group that professes a different allegiance. We find it comforting to belong and we feel empty and insecure if we find ourselves out on a limb, belonging nowhere. It is as if no one wants us, we don’t have a strong belief system, outcast from society with nowhere to go or to call our own.

Step back and visual you are flying through space looking down at the blue marble we call Earth. Boundaries do not exist, people do not exist, it is as if the Earth is flying through space completely oblivious of the machinations on its surface. The Universe does not care where you belong. It is due to our insecurities that we wish to belong.

Let us extend the same analogy to the robes. A saffron robe means you belong to a certain faith, a white one somewhere else. Maroons mean you profess a different religion while orange is a deviation from one to another. The colours signify the path we are on, the community we belong to, the belief systems that are core to our existence. Cross that colour line and life becomes complicated, we feel naked, alone and vulnerable.

I understand why and how different people end up following different faiths, different path, different ways of life. Some appeal to them more than others. For many of us, it is not a choice, being hereditary in nature. We are what we are because of the circumstances of our parentage. Wouldn’t the world be a much nicer place if we were told to think for ourselves, questions our beliefs, arrive at our own answers and be trained to question our beliefs as we gain more knowledge. Why can’t there be a universal truth instead of being straitjacketed in rituals and forms and norms? That is utopia and I do not see things changing in a hurry.

Back to the camo. I do not want to belong to any community, or sect, or faith, or belief. I would much rather embark on a journey of discovery, trying to evolve my own questions and attempting to find the answers through the information I receives from around me and from the knowledge I have gained over the years. And I come from an adventure background. I love to live off-the-grid. I am a trainer in survival skills, for times when you have to make do when you have nothing you possess. Making shelter from the elements, rubbing sticks to make a fire, finding a stream to drink from, looking at the stars to tell directions. Isn’t that what an ascetic does too? The monk living in a far-off cave, away from the hustle and bustle of city life is really living off-the-grid. He is a survival expert. The only difference between that monk in the cave and me would be the colour of the robes. I am happy not to advertise my affinity to one form of belief or the other. I would rather stay with my own faith and belief system, which is living off-the-grid. Hence the camo.

Would I end up living in a cave as the monk in camo? I doubt it very much. Not in the immediate term anyway. As I have being doing for some time, I would end up living off-the-grid for periods of time and then getting back to my friends and family. Would the duration of such off-grid living extend over time? I really do not know, may be it will, maybe it will not. The important thing in my attempt is to give up attachments and desires and grasping and wanting and living life as it comes. I do not like austerity and punishing the body and mind to arrive at some deep seated understanding of the human soul. I am a simple person who wants to look at life from the outside, without having any expectations from it. What about food? Well, there is enough food on the jungle floor for sustenance. But shouldn’t a monk become a vegetarian, swearing off killing other creatures? Well, whether we like it or not, we are a part of the food chain. As “civilised” humans we are right at the top of the food chain. We eat more than we need to, we consume what we don’t want to. In a simpler animal world, you eat to sustain life, not for the pleasure of killing. If you have to live, something has to die. That is the law of the land, out there in the jungle. It is about survival, not about the glory of the kill. And as long one pays respects to the animal who has to die to keep you alive, in my mind, it is all right. I do not much care for animal rights activists or vegans who profess their love for animals but end up cursing the larger human community they belong to. Animal abuse is abhorrent and I dislike it, but when you have to eat to survive, it is a resource that has been put on the face of this Earth for all animals. That is what a food chain is all about. When the chain breaks, chaos reigns.

I hear a lot of people talking about “running away”. Is it? Frankly I do not have a coherent answer to that question. Running away from desire is a good thing, isn’t it? Running away from the chase of material things is a good thing. What about the people who love you? Your children, for instance? Like I said before, it is not as if one is leaving home and hearth and heading off into the proverbial sunset. It is about heading out for a while and then coming back. I can choose my neighbours, but I cannot change the fact that I belong to a family and my primary allegiance belongs to them. It is a question of how does one demonstrate that allegiance. What about the School you run? The School will continue to run. The only difference will be in the fact that the teachings will be to people who sincerely desire it and seek it. It will not be a mad rush to fulfill the numbers. It will certainly not be about training so many people at this cost. I do not how it will work. Hopefully more and more people will invite me to conduct these survival Courses in their Schools. Maybe some people will want to experience my life living as a monk in camo and will leave some basics behind for the opportunity. Some might pay the cell phone bill. Others might bring some food along with them. One common first-thought that comes to mind of many people when they talk of monks is the existence of the one who is getting on in years – the Old Monk. Who am I to resist when some kind soul walks in to my camp with a couple of Old Monks. Maybe someone will leave behind enough cash to pay for the bus ride back home. In the process they can experience the life of a monk in camo and learn some basic skills that could come in handy some day. It is not about the money anymore, but about sharing the little knowledge one has gained over time.

No, it is not running away but a new perspective on how I want to live my life. If people still think it is running away, so be it. I am not hear to prove others right or wrong, I am here to do what I think is right for me. Simple.

Where will I be in my wandering days? I really don’t know. Here, there and everywhere I guess. A wandering monk in camo does not require too much. I might impose on friends who have wilderness camps in the hills. I might end up on a beach and be a beach bum. Maybe in the middle of some jungle or the other. The decision on where to spend the next few days or weeks or months will evolve I guess while on the road. The destination is not important, the journey is. And that is the joy of this journey.

I like writing and I will continue to do so. That is one way to stay in touch. I guess these addictive pursuits like social media are not going away in a hurry. The frequency might become stretched, but the medium will continue to be a part of my life. At least as far as I can see for the moment, which is not very far.

Wish me God speed on my journey. I am the monk in camo. Do I hear someone wanting to make a movie out of it? Well, seems like a plan. Why not?